In the last few weeks, I have had my eye check-up, breast screening and a replacement Mirena fitted – with the doctor noting this will be my last ever Mirena because I will truly be through my menopause next time I visit in seven years!
Getting older really stinks. I feel lethargic, hate the wrinkles and elasticity on my skin changing which becomes more evident when I actually put my contact lenses in. That is why I hardly wear them and prefer to not see things too clearly, as the sharpness of vision illuminates the truth.
I am 48, soon to be 49. I can still do a full cardio class, press-ups on my toes, burpees, and run 10km but mostly I don’t want to. I’ve lost my mojo and I don’t know why.
I radiate towards the biscuit tin and snuffle biscuits, usually two at a time over three visits, and then chastise myself for the unnecessary sugar and calorie load. I talk a good run, I imagine being super-fit like I was four years ago but somehow I don’t have the inclination.
Facebook makes me mad, I hate everyone else who runs, sprints, cycles as they only remind me of my own shortcomings.
Black moods hit me like a ton of oppressive weights creating a pit in my stomach that feels as if it holds me back, and I feel like lead with a feeling of not wanting to venture outside. Small things make me mad, injustice makes me incandescent with rage, the world seems to be so unfair. Is this what getting old feels like?
Drudge onwards with more; washing, cleaning, tidying, working, sorting out laundry, walking the dog, food shopping, cooking meals, attending fitness classes to help counteract the biscuits and so it goes on.
Is this it?
I thinking getting older is exhausting.
I remember wondering why old people concerned themselves with minutiae. I can now see your world appears to shrink a little and with it, you concern yourself with the small stuff.
I always loved that saying “don’t sweat the small stuff!” followed by “do it big or stay in bed”. The only problem is now I would prefer to stay in bed and wait for a few things to pass before re-emerging.
Let’s hope this feeling passes soon and it’s not old age but just the winter blues!