When your children are little you feel completely overwhelmed with their constant demands, sleepless nights, tantrums, battles over toys, food, bath-time, and bedtime. And you crave your own time, space, and a little bit of peace, and then quite suddenly you find you have that haven but you don’t actually know when it arrived, if you like it or what to do with it.
As your children grow the battles change, your role evolves and with it you can suddenly find you have become a bystander to their world. A necessary requirement at times but not a constant. A lift to a sporting event or training, the washing lady, the provider of a fridge filled with suitable healthy snacks as family mealtimes become more ad-hoc and scheduled around commitments. Family outings a thing of the past, the cool-box hardly being used during the summer holidays whereas in the past it was a daily requirement to any fun-filled family day out.
This summer has been my first experience of standby mummy, and I have to say it has been strange. I am not sure I have found my equilibrium. I recognise I have my own interests, friends, hobbies, sport, and life but I hadn’t anticipated the emptiness this summer, and I am not sure I have made the most of it. It has rather left me in limbo at times. Last night a friend chatted to me about her strange summer and changing relationship with her 15-year-old daughter, and her realisation that her role was now different from what has been required in the past, and how she felt a little sad and lost. It was at this moment I understood this feeling of our children growing which can leave us feeling quite unsure of our new role too and grieving for the past.
On Wednesday it is back to school and the madness of the routine and shock to the system of early morning starts, homework, exams, and pressure. And once more my mummy role resumes; the person who keeps all on track, everyone fed, watered, in clean clothes, and motivated through all the trials and tribulations. And on occasion takes phone calls from the school about inappropriate behaviour, and then this mummy really kicks into action!