Hold on tight, we’re going on a ride that is fast and furious.
We’re going to watch the date clock move with ferocity and there will be absolutely nothing you can do to slow it or make it feel less significant. Don’t dawdle, ponder, drag yourself, amble, or consider the view.
You don’t have time.
This ride is like no other. You might forget you’re on it for a fleeting moment, and then in a flash, you’re right back in the sports car seat with your head thrown back as time whizzes by, and the end date moves closer.
Catch your breath whilst you can because the wall is getting closer, and you need to prepare yourself for the impact.
SMASH.
I’m eight, I’m seventeen, and I’m a vulnerable girl, a mother, daughter, wife, and sister. I’m a woman trying to navigate the passing of time, life, and what it means to be me. Realigning my expectations, smoothing my ego, reasoning with my inner voice, inwardly justifying my emotions, trying to understand my feelings, and searching for inner peace and resolve.
We know life isn’t fair and it can be cruel, and it will challenge us. But that doesn’t mean we know how to deal with the fallout or situations we find ourselves in that test our resilience and push us into uncomfortable places and knock our balance.
My father has chosen to end his life and requested Stuart, my brother, and I to be present.
Dad recently admitted he hasn’t been a very good father or grandfather. Not invested or particularly interested.
Unlike stamps.
They have held a huge interest in his life, managed to entice him to impart with thousands of pounds, and commit to traveling at regular intervals to Europe to attend stamp fairs, until lockdown.
My father announced he has packed a few antiques that he feels we may like or may hold meaning to us, and they are being shipped to the UK from Malaysia. They are being delivered to my brother’s house, alongside his large and very specialist stamp collection.
His stamp collection is 50 years of work, time, dedication, and love. I recently learned this is being gifted in its entirety to my brother.
This is his legacy.
And the wall is getting closer.
14 days and counting.