This is the term given to deciding to end your life in a controlled environment with a chosen date, after signing an agreement with a legally registered clinic that can facilitate your wishes. And for clarity, I have played no part in this decision process, application, or arrangements. I am a bystander who has been invited to join my father in Zurich to say goodbye.
What if you choose this path but don’t discuss it with your family?
How does it make them feel?
I can answer that. We feel confused, upset, lost, and reeling with questions because whilst we respect his choice, he has taken away our opportunity to have a funeral and the whole process has been devoid of emotion, understanding and sympathy.
My children – his grandchildren feel bewildered. I feel hurt and whilst trying to deal with my heightened emotions I am now thinking about how I can help my children navigate this strange situation and say goodbye to him, the answer is via Zoom.
I have been invited to this life-changing occasion, but I don’t know what to expect.
Here are some of my questions:
What happens on the day?
How long does it take?
Are we allowed to hold dad’s hand?
What is the process of events on the day?
What should I wear? Sombre colours or anything I feel like.
How long after dad has passed away are we allowed to stay in the room?
Is the clinic on an industrial estate?
Is dad’s date with death a specific appointment time with an end time?
Do we arrive and get ushered into a room and then the medicine is administered or is it a long process?
Where does dad’s body go afterwards?
What happens to his ashes? No provision has been made for us to have them – I asked.
Will Colin, dad’s friend be in the room when dad dies?
Will it just be me and Stuart?
Will Stuart be unemotional and cool, or will he be moved and cry too?
What will dad wear?
What’s happening to dad’s gold necklace? I would love it but won’t ask.
Will dad smile as death takes his soul?
Will I see a release and feel his presence in the room as he dies?
Will I be so racked with grief I sob uncontrollably, or will I quietly cry?
What will we do the night before, as a group waiting for the obvious event?
What will we do after dad dies?
Will we sit in the hotel bar, cry in our rooms, or go for a walk?
Who will call Noel and tell her, your husband is dead?
How will Noel feel, waiting all day for the news from afar?