Cancer is back!
The most unwanted of visitors has invaded once more. Always unwelcome, unexplained, and unfair. In most life events you feel there is a purpose for action but when this black cloud comes along there never seems to be a justification, reason, or a look on the bright side moment.
We now enter the journey. A time of waiting, questions, results, anxiety, and emotions.
I have never really understood the idea that you have to be strong. I think it means cry quietly, don’t show you’re upset, and hold your life together. I can’t guarantee to do any of those things because right now, this news has totally floored me. It’s not me that has C but my very special, wonderful Mum and the thought of her not being well is always hard.
Our summer plans have taken a dive. I am not so sad about changing plans, more about my fantasy of lazy summer days hanging out here together won’t happen this year, as meticulously planned. But that’s just it, you can’t always plan for some events.
This weekend as the news was broken and my little world crumbled for a while, we did end up having a fantastic weekend. It suddenly seemed the only thing worthy of such news was to have lots of wonderful family time together, and we did. Yesterday’s lunch was more like Christmas, and the feast we ate altogether whilst laughing and chatting was a clear sign, family is everything.
So yes I will try to be strong, not for me but for my mother. After all, I am not the one that has to be prodded, operated on, and fed with drugs. I travel on this ghastly unwanted journey as a daughter, a supporter, and hopefully not as an emotional wreck!