I feel as if I am turning into a moaning Minnie. In the last few days, I think I have complained, made a comment, and put my forthright view across once too many times.
I am not sure if the divorce process is turning me into a slightly wild woman who seeks justice.
I want to put right the wrongs that I see and feel affect me.
Definitely, the one real impact of the divorce process that has had a really profound effect on me, is the divorcing of your x husband’s family. It didn’t happen immediately in fact initially it was all as before, with reassuring words like ” we still love you” ” you will always be special to us” ” you will always be important, the mother of the grandchildren….”
The first indication of the change was when I received no Christmas card, neither did the boys. Not a word, not a call, not a present. And it wasn’t waiting for them at their father’s either. I had a hint all was changing when late last year I received a letter with the sentiments…I realise it must be hard for you but be fair. The word “fair’ just resounded with me, not because I felt I wasn’t being fair but because my x was being far from “fair” and yet I knew then the tide was changing. I was being portrayed as the money-grabbing, greedy x wife.
I bet there was no mention of the fact he was barely keeping his commitments to the boys, only seeing them for two sleepovers every two weeks. Going away without them during school holiday time. He never thought to discuss Christmas with them and went away for two weeks over Christmas. Going to work on days he says he is looking after them during the holidays, leaving them alone for 12 hours. Poor, poor him.
He doesn’t have the homework trials and tribulations, the requests to speak with the boys’ teachers about the concerns the boys are having. The endless school emails requiring attention, parent evenings to attend, assemblies, class presentations, vomiting in the night, washing, cooking, cleaning. The fighting, bickering, arranging work experience placements, organising playdates.
But I do get the cuddles, the smiles, the jubilation, the pure delight in watching a school match, polo game and feeling so proud of my son. Being the first to hear the news at the end of the day. Being part of art and craft morning in class, selling cakes for school funds at the end of the school day, helping with after-school cross country, cooking their favourite food.
Yes, I do get it all. I get the rough and the smooth. I would fight for them, defend them, I do support them and I am determined that they reach their full potential because they are fantastic boys, capable of so much and I absolutely believe in them.
So don’t make me feel I want too much.
I gave up my career for the boys, look after them with care and tenderness, and work part-time to be flexible around their needs. You won’t even help me out during school holidays, commit to some dates to ease my stress of ensuring the holidays are covered.
I need a home for the boys and me, somewhere we can all live in comfort and safety. We shouldn’t have to live on the edge, you can afford to provide for us properly. I supported you during your career progression, enabling you to strive ahead.
So anyone wishing to cross my path will get a fight.
The lady who parked in front of my house last night, blocking me access to the hard standing for parking. She received a note on her windscreen, as returning from Cheshire late on Sunday to unload the car and park and then realise I couldn’t made me VERY unhappy.
To the polo coach who selected my son to play in a National Polo tournament in Manchester over the weekend and then only played him for four minutes, you also received my wrath today. Don’t select my son and then allow his self-confidence and self-belief to wither by your actions.
To the lady who cold-called me this morning, I am registered to not receive cold calls, so don’t call me!
To the sales lady at HSBC last week, who wanted to talk about my divorce status when I am trying to close my joint bank account. Lady just do your job, we aren’t friends, I hate him but can’t tell you that as I like to keep it together in public! That’s why I have a blog.
To my work colleague who will remain nameless for now. Don’t arrange another meeting that I should be at and not tell me when it is. I want to believe it is an oversight. The verdict is out at the moment because it has happened before. Changing times and working practices are not all about YOU!
On a good note, I had a great bike ride today, in the sunshine through the Kent countryside with my wonderful playmate.