Single Mummy Syndrome – a woman's life
A mother's journey through some turbulent emotional times
A WhatsApp message from my brother announced the arrival of the goods from KL, Malaysia. Large cardboard boxes fill a reception room in his home each one containing items for me, none of which I want, asked for, or know what to do with. I actually want to scream, ‘What the fuck am I supposed […]
Continue ReadingLife happens, coffee helps. I remember seeing this quote on the toilet wall of the last cafe I sat in with my dad in Zurich, the day before he died. Grief is a strange thing, and it is different for everyone. We often grieve for others, we cry for our loss both now and in […]
Continue ReadingIt turns out Dignitas was almost next to the hotel we were staying at, and the three-minute journey time was a reference to the time it would take to wheel Dad from the hotel to the building in a wheelchair. At 8 am on Tuesday 18th April, the doctor called Dad, as planned when we […]
Continue ReadingAre bravery and ignorance the same thing? I wondered this as I closed my hotel bedroom door tonight, after multiple beers, a burger, and a patisserie in the knowledge tomorrow I have my last breakfast and time with my dad. We arrived in Zurich last night and made our way to the hotel. A bright […]
Continue ReadingI wonder how my father is travelling to Zurich? First class, business class or economy? What has he chosen to wear? His favourite clothes, his old clothes or his best clothes. Will he watch the inflight entertainment, drink copious amounts of whiskey, or sleep? Or perhaps all three in some semblance of order. What will […]
Continue ReadingA document for my father has been couriered to my brother, who is taking it to Zurich for my father. His years of stamp collecting have been recognised and acknowledged. You can read the letter confirming this honour here.
Continue ReadingGive me space and let me breathe. Please don’t look pained and expressive as you talk to me. I don’t know the answer, what emotions I’m feeling, or even the right thing to say. I’m walking an unknown path and at times feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience. It’s not me going to Switzerland, […]
Continue ReadingAs I watch Mayflies for the second time I am poignantly reminded about choice. Making a decision whilst you have the ability, power, mobility, and choice is important. For the spectators, bystanders, and family it can feel like we are being excluded but in reality, we are being protected. We need to be brave and […]
Continue ReadingLast week I asked my father for his thoughts and feelings about his journey and choice about his decision. This is what he wrote in an email the next day: ‘In summary, decisions I have taken have developed following my Lobectomy operation in October 2020 and subsequently having been diagnosed in February 2021 with Stage […]
Continue ReadingI will be in Zurich spending the last few hours with my father. Today, Easter Monday we arranged a Zoom call with my three boys, me, and my dad. It was 8 am here and early afternoon for Dad. Slightly surreal if I’m honest. Asking after each other and Dad talking frankly about his last […]
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